Same-O, Same-O.

The weight never seems to change!!! How frusturating. I always think "THIS WILL BE THE SUMMER!!!" but it never is.

Went school shopping and bought a lot of new stuff. Mainly pants because I never have enough of them suckers. I got a couple of bras too...even a new sports bra! I haven't had one in years because they just don't make them in my size. I'm excited for it though, I think it'll work great for triathlon training and marching band.

Speaking of marching band last week I went to Anacortes, Washington and helped teach a bunch of high school kids the basics of Husky Marching Band marching. I had a blast teaching these kids! I can't wait to do it again! I'm going up to school early in September and doing my own band things so I don't really have that much time at home left. It's sad because I realize my first year of college is entirely done. I don't really want to grow up anymore! Hmph!

That's about it. I'm tired and hungry.
Toodles,
S

Satisfied with my workout....

I'm back from our very eventful 10 day camping trips which included going just about all around the lovely state of WASHINGTON. North to Bellingham/Blaine at an AWESOME campsite, a short jaunt to Canada and a dangerous 4th of July at the Bay. Then we went East to the Grand Coulee Dam and saw the laser show. It was then off to Spokane for dirtbike riding and an ice cold poold. We left there early to go to an old favorite campsite only 3 hours from home and it poured. Luckily it stopped in time for us to go on an UPHILL HIKE that never got us to a lake. But here we are back at home and I woke up early to go to the gym with my Mom.

I did a short 4 min warmup on the treadmill and did some leg weights. Unfortuntately all the ellipticals were taken so I went to the treadmill. 50 minutes later, I finished my continuous uphill battle with it burning 413 calories!!! I only burn that many on a elliptical and I felt like I got a better workout. I don't know how aerobic it was though because after a while I had it on speeeds between 2.6 and 3.0, but I did feel I had a lot of energy at the beginning so I put the speed to 6.0 miles an hour, and sprinted for about 30 seconds. I surprisingly wasn't as winded as I thought I would be and was able to keep on track for the rest of the time. I think I'll need to add in some kind of running/jogging/sprinting into my cardio exercises but I dread them like the plague.

I'm not only trying to lose weight and gain muscle, but I want to get in shape for marching season this fall. There is a parade this month that I'm worried about, but that will let me see if I'm progressing well toward the actual season. I'm surprised I was able to keep up last fall, it's HARD stuff. I'm really hoping this thyroid medicine I am now taking will really help me get he energy and endurance I've been lacking. But I also need to find exercises that will strengthen my legs to be able to walk with 90 degree angles in my legs when I march. Any ideas on that? I have a feeling lunges and squats will help but I'm afraid of those too! Hurts my knees.

I also know I'm going to have to eat really well this summer. I'm looking forward to making my fruit and yogurt smoothies again this summer, and I have to eat as much protein as possible as I"m lacking it in school. I HAVE to stop eating as much carbs, which kills me, but I have to do it.

Time for my shower....
S
200 pounds. Still. all that exercise (swimming almost everyday of our trip) didn't seem to have an efect on me. ERAGH!

SICK. sorry, I feel like crap. Giving up the best band gig ever because of it. Maybe next year but man, why do I always get sick when there's a good band thing going on? I better be fine and healthy as possible the weekend of the 21st, I am NOT going to miss that camping trip.

Man, man, man, man, man.

Measurements

For today, April 21. Not Happy.

Neck :13 1/4
Left Arm: 13
Right Arm: 13 1/2
Chest: 40 3/4
Upper Waist : 34 1/2
Lower Waist: 42 1/2
Butt: 47 3/4
Left Thigh: 27 3/4
Right Thigh: 28
Left Calf: 18 1/2
Right Calf: 19 1/4
Weight: 206

Today I went to the gym and played racketball for 55 minutes.

So far I've eaten 5 nutter butters, half of a 16 oz. juice, 1 chewy peanut butter and choco chip granola bar and a 16 oz smoothie with protein. I need to get my eating under control. I've been eating a lot of salads and sandwiches but I get so tired of them sometimes. This quarter I've also done a lot better with not snacking so much late at night either. I also wish I had energy. I'm so tired all the time and I drag myself to the gym and I know I could work out a lot more. I just see myself losing energy every day. I need to get this thyroid taken care of, I really think it's bad but I have no idea what to do. I don't want to take it out but I'm tired of feeling so tired all time and sweating so much and shaking. Should I go to some kind of a naturopath or something? Alternative medicine? Will it work? I'm hungry. Gonna find something to eat, maybe a sandwich or soup or something. S

Fat loves me, should i be happy?

I recently weighed myself. I weigh 209 frickin pounds. My roomate weighs 105 pounds. Do you know how hard it is to know that you weigh between 60 and 110 pounds more than all the women around you? Sooo frusturating. When I walk I just feel like my body is weighing me down. My body feels like lead and it just won't move. I see these skinny girls running around in the rain with their friends and their ipods and their short shorts and I get disgusted with myself. I can't even fit into my one pair of jeans anymore. How did that happen? They barely even zip up and if they do than the fat that rolls down it is purely embarrasing. So I can't wear jeans anymore. I have a pair of stretchy ones that I got at the fat lady store. that's embarrasing as well. They're my only pair of jeans and they aren't flattering at all, but they at least zip up. Whatever I'm hungry.

softball???

I'm back. Spring Break is over and today was my third day back at school. I love my classes: Communication 202, History of Jazz 331, and Spanish 110. I love the first two, my com professor is this British guy that goes on and on about his britishness. The jazz class is just freaking awesome, we listen to music 80% of the time! Now the spanish class...Oh dear. It is two spanish courses put into one. This is scary. Anybody taken a college foreign language course? It goes very quickly. Now this one is 2 put into one and we only have class 2-3 times a week. Yowza. This will be a true test to my time management skills as this is the most amount of class at home than I've ever had in my life for just one class. It's the amount of three classes and the professor proudly says it! Oh well, I'll do my best.

Went to the gym today for the first time in forever. I did weights for a little bit but wasn't really feeling it so then I went on the treadmill because everything else was full. I was on it for 30 minutes at an increasing incline. Worked up quite a sweat. I followed up with some situps and crunches. Not the best workout but it was something at least. Tomorrow I might go play raquetball.

GOOD NEWS: I have joined a rec softball team! I have never played softball before and worried about how my performance will be, but I'm so excited to be on a softball team! It's made up of people from my saxophone section and we're going to have games every sunday at 2:00!

Now for the hard part. I am at 203 pounds. This is ridiculous. I look like a big fat cow with a tire around the stomach. I'm tired of being this fat. I will not take it anymore. I will get out of the 200's again. My friend who is a size 6 is getting rid of a bunch of clothes and she offered us first grabs and I would love to borrow her clothes but I just kept my mouth shut. Will I ever be able to borrow my friends clothes? I want to. This 16, 18 size is too big. And my upperbody is getting fatter too. How did I balloon up so much? I'm going to take my measurements tomorrow and with that comes my new goal. For the next 10 weeks, which is spring quarter, I challenge myself to:

Loose 1 inch around my upper waist and 1 inch around my lower waist
Loose 1 inch around my butt
Loose 1 inch around each thigh
Loose .5 inch around my calves
Loose .5 inch around my arms
Loose .5 inch around my chest
Get rid of my back fat rolls.

At this point I'm not including a weight goal because I never make them, although I do want to be under the 200 mark again. I want to loose inches, Serious inches. If I can lose more than that that would be EXCELLENT, but that is my minimum requirements to loose. That's just the way it's gonna be.

I should go to bed

Back home for spring break. the weather sucks. while others are vacationing with their boyfriends in palm springs, i went to my family's soccer events. games, tryouts, more games. You look at our walls and you only see sports pictures. why were my siblings gifted and not me? My only pictures are tucked away in a corner behind soccer trophies. Ah. Whatever, i still love my family even though i do feel like an outcast at times. I wish I could have done more things to make my parents proud. Instead of being some sports star and having teams fight over me, I have to search to find some kind of scholarship that will support me through school. Too bad they can't also pay for all of my medical bills. I just hurt EVERYWHERE and I don't want to bring it up because I hate going to the doctor, i hate their bills they send, and i hate apologizing to my parents when I have some kind of costly problem. I didn't do very well in school this quarter. I tried so hard. Got struck with some bad bronchitis and a sinus infection 2 weeks into the quarter and I'm still trying to get over it. Something about getting sick just doesn't make you understand what a boring professor is lecturing about. Despite my mediocre grades this quarter I'm loving school. Believe it or not I think these last 6 months (wow i can't believe it's been 6 months already!) have been some of my happiest. My grades used to be the only thing I was good at. I tried my share of sports: gymnastics, volleyball, ice skating, tennis, but was never good at them. Instead of getting outdoors and playing with other kids I would read in my room. Hours and hours of reading I would do. I wouldn't even sleep becuse I wanted to read. I was above the level(in school of course) of other kids and enjoyed being looked up to as the smart girl. I feel as though I've lost that part of me and perhaps what stems my sadness is I have nothing that I am good at. After realizing something like that, what do you do? Criticise yourself even more and just be disgusted everytime you look at your reflection.

Anyway, after a day of soccer my parents took us out to red lobster. I've wanted to go to this restaurant for so long and we finally went! The food was delicious-it reminded me of my trip to New Orleans when I was shoulder deep in crab! Wow that was a fun trip, and the food tonight with my family was wonderful as well. Tomorrow is my sister's birthday party at a gymnastics center. She unfortunately sprained her ankle today so I hope her day goes wonderfully!

Okay, I'm out, but I am making myself not post anything but the facts of my workout, eating regimine (sp?) until I can make a nice comment about myself. This is getting freaking ridiculous.

S